SGA Political Outsider Overtakes Establishment Woman Rocked by Scandal

The Gurbani Singh SGA presidential campaign was rocked by scandal yesterday as it was revealed that her running mate Natasha Armstrong knowingly plagiarized large sections of the Singh’s 2016 VP platform. Singh, a long-serving establishment SGA politician, was formerly the clear frontrunner against populist political outsider Nilang Shah. Despite his lack of political experience, Shah has steadily been rising in the polls due to his commitment to securing Emory’s borders from unauthorized ICE agents.

FBNatashaGurbani
This uncomfortable is graphic courtesy of The Wheel

“This is totally unprecedented,” said Emory Wheel political analyst Wolf Ruscher. “Never before has a well-qualified woman experienced an overblown scandal and subsequently been overtaken in the polls by a man with grassroots support.”

When reached for comment, Armstrong said she could not deny the allegations against the Signh and Armstrong campaign. Armstrong issued the following statement:

I deeply regret how my ruthless desire for the small-time bureaucratic power to force organizations like the Media Council to grovel for funding led to this lapse in judgment. I wish to express my sincere apologies to my parents, friends, and the Wheel writer who had nothing better to do than to compare student government platforms. Fucking narc.

             The Shah campaign refused to comment, calling The Spoke “fake news” in an email to Spoke reporters. However, Nilang Shah later commented on Twitter that he anticipated that he would “win bigly” in the SGA election and had plans to “make Emory great again.”

Responses to the scandal have been mixed. While Singh supporters have mostly responded by screaming “DO YOU WANT SHAH TO BE PRESIDENT” unprompted, Shah supporters have taken to forums and social media to express their excitement for the Honor Council’s investigation. In particular, an array of Greek-power groups have surfaced to get the vote out for Shah.
At press time, the Singh and Armstrong campaign were investigating the possibility that their correspondence had been hacked by graduate students.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

*

Go to Top