“Little Sophomore Girl” professor to release entire album

In a scandal that has proven that the Oxford campus gets to have some relevance once in a blue moon, a professor’s song “Little Sophomore Girl” has been rediscovered. This has

caused an uproar of students expressing their outrage at the song’s lyrics, which attack a female student who gave the writer a negative course evaluation.

 

Undeterred, the artist has decided to take on an “all-press-is-good-press” attitude and release an entire album to express his unbridled rage at minute inconveniences. The album will take on many of the same issues prevalent in “Little Sophomore Girl,” with “Teaching Blows (I Should’ve Bought That Vineyard)” and “Class Participation Is Low, Time for Violent Crimes.” Other songs on the album, like “You Made My Smoothie Wrong, Bitch” will explore entirely new tantrum-inducing topics. There will even be a sensual track for lovers entitled “Teenagers Are Basically Women.”

 

The album has already garnered some positive reviews for the raw emotion throughout. The artist wrote the entire album during one Red Bull-fueled rage session in Oxford’s belltower, where he is temporarily hiding out from the administration as they desperately search for him to stop him from saying anything else that will force them to make another public apology on his behalf. Oxford College Dean Douglas Hicks is prepared to offer 10 meal swipes to anyone able to apprehend him.

 

It’s not all fun and games in this acoustic guitar manifesto of fury. Even fans of “Little Sophomore Girl”’s brave normalization of inordinate levels of anger directed at students have criticized the album’s violent imagery. “You Made My Smoothie Wrong, Bitch” has proved especially controversial with the chorus “I hope your parents’ house catches on fire, yeah, yeah // I hope they lose irreplaceable heirlooms and also the cat, yeah yeah // You added too much guava, now I hope your parents’ house catches on fucking fire.” 

 

The artist has already posted a formal statement on the controversy: “To any offended by my art, I truly apologize that you are so fucking stupid. Haters.” The message then went on a tangent about the artist knowing “almost all” of the guitar chords. To his fans already clamoring for more content, he has promised that a new album is already in the works after his coworker Lisa did not wish him a happy birthday.