It was July 28th, the day of the bar exam, and Judy Schul was ready. A lifelong overachiever with a knack for argument, it seemed as though the bar would be a piece of cake. There was just one problem, Judy was in labor.
The contractions had started that morning, and though her boyfriend, Mack, suggested she reschedule her test, Judy refused. As a white woman raised in upper class suburbia, constantly encouraged and never told ‘no,’ she knew she could do anything she put her mind to. Forcing Mack to show her flashcards as she squatted over a yoga ball, leaking uterine fluids out of her vagina, Judy was a picture of pure female strength.
5 minutes until the test and 5 mm dilated, it was a race against the clock. According to Judy, the hospital was a blur. “I only remember little bits and pieces,” she said, “like the statute of limitations for petty theft and the giant needle going into my back.” Judy also told us that even with the stress and pain of the day’s events, she felt confident. “It was honestly like my instincts just took control. I was calm, collected, and knew what to do.” She added, “I felt like superwoman.”
Mack remembered things a little differently. “She was sobbing and screaming, but she wouldn’t let me take her laptop away. She wasn’t looking at any of the questions, just typing and growling. I don’t think she even retained the ability to read.” After the epidural, Mack says, she seemed better. “Her eyes stopped dilating, which was a relief, but when it was time for her to push, I saw a different side of her. She started keyboard slamming and yelling slurs, which was really awkward because I’m half-jewish. This was not the same woman I raw-dogged in the CVS parking lot nine months ago.”
The Spoke was lucky enough to get to witness the moment results were released. Unfortunately, Judy failed. “That can’t be right,” she told us, clearly shocked, “my answers were perfect!” We actually tracked down Judy’s answers, and perfect they were not. To one question about a custody arrangement, she suggested the death penalty. For the child. In another, she wrote something that looked like slam poetry, but quickly turned into a stream of consciousness narrative surrounding “the hell that only I can see.”
Judy still maintains that she should have passed, so we asked what might have happened that caused her to fail. “The doctor kept throwing me off my game by telling me to ‘put my feet in the stirrups’ and ‘push’. He was totally interfering with my test; that’s illegal!” she said, “right?”
Despite her disappointment in the day’s outcome, Judy still gave birth to a healthy baby boy, named Wade Roe, after her now-favorite court case and the woman’s clothing company that helped her become her own boss.
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