“We’ll Beat this Later Anyway” Rain-Averse 5k Participants

5k article
While no one crossed the Winship finish line, some still managed to drink about a thousand Arrowhead half-pints.

The Cox to the SAAC and Back 5K, scheduled for Sunday November 15, may be facing rainy conditions, and some participants worry the Cox 5k may suffer the same fate as the Winship Win the Fight 5k in October. That 5k also faced heavy raindrops, leading authorities to the consensus that the fight against cancer was “going fine” and did not merit additional support in the form of a 5K run in the face of the fierce misting from above.

At the last moment of the Winship 5k, the lead organizer and fundraising chair for the Winship Cancer Institute Elaine Pritchert called the whole thing off. “You know what guys?” called Pritchert just minutes before the race was to begin. “I think I just felt a drop!” After a brief consultation, it was determined that “those poor, suffering souls” would not be needing our help after all, and that “they wouldn’t want us to go through with it if they knew it were raining like this.”

The organizers behind the Cox 5k have so far refused to cancel it, but remain open to the idea. “At this time, at this stage in our battle against this horrible disease, we feel that we’re doing pretty well, and that now we can just ease up a little bit,” said Cox 5k organizer, medical oncologist and noted Detroit Pistons fan Dr. Rich DeBoon, MD.

“I mean, just give cancer a chance to catch its breath. Show a little sportsmanship. Part of the beauty of medicine is that it is such a challenge, so where’s the sport if doctors win every time? You tell me how that’s fair?”

When reached for comment, retiring Emory president Jim Wagner stated that he didn’t “give a [explitive],” he was retiring.

Emory track star Andrew Breaux has warned that another cancelled 5k would be a “horrible travesty.” He recalled the day of the Winship 5k as  the “most disappointed [he’d] ever been. There was going to be so much glorious, sweet running… I was going to run! And they just throw it all away, over a little rain? So many high quality facebook photos of my dripping wet abs….gone in the wind.”