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Rain Top, Flip Flop, the Three Amigos Announced for Dooley’s Week

The hippity-hop trio Amigos, comprised of Huevos, Landing, and Reset, are set to perform at Dooley’s week this year. Although the Wheel had initially speculated that rapper Fibby Whap would…

English Major Honored to Have as Many Book Deals as Milo Yiannopoulos

Emory College English and Creative Writing major Reggie Burts told The Spoke this week that he was honored to have the same exact number of completed book deals as alt-right…

Med School Reveals Kegs Competitor “Painkillers on the Plain”

THE MED SCHOOL– Lamenting the lack of opportunity for non-business students to become intoxicated on a large expanse of grassy turf, Dean Christian Larsen of Emory’s medical school unveiled plans…

“We’ll Beat this Later Anyway” Rain-Averse 5k Participants

The Cox to the SAAC and Back 5K, scheduled for Sunday November 15, may be facing rainy conditions, and some participants worry the Cox 5k may suffer the same fate…

Behind the Student Tech Services Desk- VIZE Special

This report is brought to you by  Vize Magazine. It’s dark, wherever we are. I can hardly see my hand in front of my face, let alone where I’m going.…

“So This Is How I Die” – Commentary by Man Crossing Quad

“So this is how I die. Not of old age, surrounded by loved ones. Not falling down the stairs of the DUC. Not even at the hands of Mulford’s next…

Wagner Releases Dragon in Search of Heir to Emory

At the rising of the sun on the Day of a Thousand Withdrawals, chieftain of the human city of Emory, James Wagner, released the mighty dragon that has slumbered in…

Sports Attendance Drops Off 50% Following James’ Breakup With Chelsea

According to official statistics from an unpaid Emory athletics intern, attendance for the most recent Emory men’s soccer home game was down 50% compared to expectations of turnout based on…

Exotic Dancer Candi Lynn Changes Name to Pumpkin Spice

Candi Lynn, exotic dancer at the Sleazy Slanket Strip Club, has reportedly changed her name to Pumpkin Spice in a recent marketing move to lure in more customers during the…

Absolute Stud Thinking of “Hitting the Row” Tonight

In an interview today, freshman Pete Miller told Spoke reporters that he was probably going to “hit the row” later tonight. “When you party as much as I do, the…

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