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Rain Top, Flip Flop, the Three Amigos Announced for Dooley’s Week


Courtesy of Rolling Stone

The hippity-hop trio Amigos, comprised of Huevos, Landing, and Reset, are set to perform at Dooley’s week this year. Although the Wheel had initially speculated that rapper Fibby Whap would headline the event, Emory students seem to prefer three young men simultaneously promoting the distribution of Schedule I narcotics to just the one.

This is not just any rap group; Quaalude, Rip-Off, and Orbitz are apparently especially close. The Amigas take inspiration from a Cheetah Girls lyric: amigas cheetahs, friends for life. Their debaucherous lifestyle reflects both their close friendship and their status as cheaters, or “cheetahs.”

Their real life personas and appearances are in fact based on their electronic avatars that they created in the Nintendo Wii™ they are constantly playing with. The name of the group, Mii-gos, is still another reflection of their irrational loyalty to Nintendo over any other gaming company.

When reached for comment, a representative of the Emory Student Programming Council had this to say:

“Rain drop, drop top, Dooley’s week is going to be totally epic, L-O-L, dab on them!”

The source executed a painfully cringeworthy motion that could only be considered a “dab” in the loosest sense of the term, and continued to spout off a series of nonsensical emojis expressed in words, including but not limited to “laughing face,” “fire emoji,” and “rocket ship.”

Quimbo Slice, Bake-o, and Disconcerting Gap expressed that they were thrilled to be playing for an audience of spoiled rich kids who could never fully appreciate the struggles that inspired their music. “The trap” and wealthy northern suburbs have a surprising amount in common, including pervasive drug abuse and the constant threat of microaggressions.
At press time, sources were expecting the concert to be a smash hit, but were skeptical that anything could ever live up to Smash Mouth.

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