Emory College English and Creative Writing major Reggie Burts told The Spoke this week that he was honored to have the same exact number of completed book deals as alt-right icon Milo Yiannopoulos.
Having previously been self-published on his Tumblr blog, Burts understands the pressures of the literary scene. “I mean, it’s no big deal,” he stated as he scrolled through his list of 78 followers. “I guess it’s kind of impressive that so many nude Russian women are following my blog. I clicked on their ‘ENTER HERE FOR BEAUTIFUL GIRLS’ links and my computer got gonorrhea. Weird.”
Still, Burts aspires to become the next alt-right America’s sweetheart, to achieve notoriety beyond that of a rising literary star. “Milo, that’s a name people know. He’s written for Breitbart, been on the news, TV appearances… it’s amazing the things he has had to do for fame. It’s an honor to be mentioned in the same breath when all I had to do was start a mediocre Narnia furry blog.”
Burts continued to sing Yiannopoulos’ praises, calling him an icon of sensationalism and xenophobia. “Those are the two values that my parents tried to instill in me from an early age, so it seems like fate that I’m following in my hero and role model’s footsteps.”
At press time, Burts was wondering if he should have his non-existent agent reach out to Milo’s people so they could discuss their non-existent book deals over some non-existent coffee.