For the last minute date: a Panettone
There’s nothing sexier than sharing a sweet Italian bread packed full of fruits and nuts! And who wouldn’t be thrilled by this delightful fruitcake who—I mean—that has probably has been waiting for someone to plow into it for over a year
For the Romantic: make your own cannoli kit
Shooting cream into a delicious golden shell would be an absolute blast as an active and stimulating couples’ activity. Maybe you both can share one! You can each take one end and just absolutely go to town. Just NOT with Vito, that stronzo bartender from Gianuzzi’s who always flirts with your girlfriend Angelina RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU.
For winning back the ex: a bucket of freshly peeled garlic
Prove your commitment to your love by spending literal hours digging through Garlic skin with your fingernails, making sure that vampires will leave them alone forever! Also, their resulting horrendous breath will ensure that Vito from Gianuzzi’s will never fucking try to hit on your girlfriend Angelina ever again.
For the crush you are courting: Pot of perfectly salted pasta water to leave on their doorstep
Because everyone knows that adequately salting the pasta water como il mare is one of the sexiest things you can do. Ang— I mean, your crush, will find you irresistible when they know that you have this crucial skill under your belt.
For when you would literally risk your life for Angelina: Steal a pot blessed by a local witch that, when you sing it a little shanty, will begin to generate massive amounts of spaghetti. Suddenly, you cannot control the pot: pasta begins to flood your village, carrying villagers away and drowning them in the perfectly al dente spaghetti. Obviously, the witch has to come to your rescue and stop the pot from making any more spaghetti. When the villagers want you put to death for your crimes and property destruction, cry out that you did it all for Angelina, and you’d happily die for her if she just knew how much you loved her. Angelina is disgusted that you would let people die to make some stupid statement with spaghetti, and doesn’t even understand how flooding the village with pasta has anything to do with your feelings for her.
At least you can hope Vito is one of the casualties.
Happy gifting this Valentine’s day, lovers!
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