Didn’t get the classes you wanted? Considering just giving up on your current major to study Classics or something? You’re not alone! Registration might not go to plan, and that’s okay.
If you just need to register for something, anything to maintain your full time student status (if nothing else, for the Dunkin Donuts discount) before add/drop/swap ends, these are the courses that might just fit the bill.
1. HIST 347: History of England, February – March 1425
If you’re looking for a nice, easy humanities class – you should have lied about needing accommodations to register earlier. The class will focus solely on one month of English history for the entirety of the semester, and some of your requirements will include: a ten-page paper on the time a London resident almost invented the microscope, but then decided it was a stupid idea and gave up on it. A quiz on the statistics of horse-related injuries, along with the names of the horses involved. Several group projects. For five months, your dreams will consist of nothing but morbid fantasies of pushing your professor off of Cox Bridge.
2. PE 141: Antisocial Dance
Social Dance is one of the best ways to meet your P.E. requirement. Learning dances like the waltz, the rumba, and the cha-cha is fun, active, and lets you meet lots of new people. This is not that. This is Antisocial Dance, where you will learn the moves sure to clear out the entire dance floor, like: Weird Fist Pumping in the Corner. Thrusting, Variation One. Crab walking (aggressive). Thrusting, Variation Two. Promising Everyone You’re Really Good at the Worm, Attempting It, Failing, Then Crying. And, of course, Thrusting, Variation Three.
3. ENG 313: An Autobiography of Matt Platt (Taught by Matt Platt)
That’s right, this professor is teaching an entire class just on the biography of himself that he wrote himself. What has he done to earn a biography, you ask? As far as we can tell, nothing. The book mostly centers on his childhood struggles with bullying because he kept getting lice in the fourth grade. Which, like, all that happens is he puts mayonnaise in his hair to kill the lice, he smells like a sandwich for a week, then everyone forgets all about it over the summer. But he’s got this big chip on his shoulder about it and he is going to talk about having lice like it’s an identity. And also, why was he getting lice so much? The good news is, all you have to do is tell the professor it’s the best book you’ve ever read in your life and that he should win a Pulitzer and you’re guaranteed an A.
4. ENVS 385: Worms
Sometimes it seems like a professor is just pitching a class hoping that it won’t fill. They’re saying this class will be in White Hall 205, but there is no damn way because 96 of 100 seats are still open. The course description just says, “Worns and whar they do for enviroment.” The kicker is, those 4 people who already signed up? They are worm enthusiasts. They will make you look like an idiot at every turn and completely wreck the curve. The professor (who has a .8 on Rate My Professor) will give you a C and you will thank her for it.
5. PHIL 220W: History of Political Philosophy
Honestly, barf. There’s nothing wrong with this class except the fact that you will be taking it with other people who also signed up to take this class, each of whom will genuinely believe the opinions they got from Twitter are God’s gift to the world. Honestly, you might be better off just retaking a freshman seminar.
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