Intimidated by the 27 different kinds trash cans and recycling bins, Sunny Agave has taken an unconventional approach to sustainability. “I feel crushing guilt every day from living with such privileges and consuming excess nonrenewable resources, but hot damn I don’t want to sort my trash.” Agave was fed up with feeling like garbage every time she needed to take out the trash and has decided to take matters into her own hands (and mouth) by eating cardboard.
“Cardboard is actually quite nutritious! My chem professor told us that the cellulose in cardboard is made of beta glucose monomers. It just makes sense.” When asked how this dietary change affects her daily habits, Agave explained, “I don’t even go to the DUC that much anymore, but when I do, I don’t leave until everything is eaten. If you think about it, napkins are just little cardboard snacks! Zero waste by 2025, am I right?”
The Office of Sustainability Initiatives commented, “This the kind of innovation we need at Emory. Sunny is truly thinking outside of the box, so to speak.” This was said while Agave fell out of a pile of cardboard boxes through which she had just eaten a tunnel in the style of the Very Hungry Caterpillar.
She added, “The workers in the Fevans mail center think they’ve got a rat problem, but it’s just me. When I lie awake at night thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made, I break into the mailroom and carboload.” Mid-interview, she choked up a wad of damp cardboard. When we expressed concern for her health, she said, “Don’t worry about it! The best way to reduce our carbon footprint is actually death, so it’s whatevs.”
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