Homelessness is a serious issue facing millions worldwide and is unquestionably incomprehensible to those who have never experienced it before. To truly grasp the reality of homelessness, our reporters interviewed those deeply impacted by the circumstances — Beta, Sammy, and ZBT.
Max Steinberg of Sammy commented, “It just sucks getting your hopes up. You think things are finally looking up. You think, ‘Hey, maybe this is my chance.’ And then they give the house to even bigger charity cases: SigEp and DTD.”
Steinberg continued by explaining how the situation mentally and emotionally affects him, “It makes you wonder to yourself, ‘What am I doing wrong? Is this all my fault?’ I don’t want to take all of the blame. I know a lot of it is just the system. But sometimes, when I’m looking up at the ceiling of my Claremont apartment, I wonder if all of this could have been prevented.”
Steinberg confirmed that their brothers will and are continuing to fight until this injustice is rectified. If all else fails next year, brothers reported they would still be content pulling their untouched bar mitzvah money and trust funds to finance a house next year, as the noble brothers of ZBT had done before.
“One of the hardest parts of being homeless is having to walk by our past-life every time we saunter down Eagle Row,” ZBT brother Johnny Fuller admits, “It’s a constant reminder of our past success, our glory days. Now when going to smoke behind the baseball fields, I have to take the route behind the sorority lodge through the maintenance areas to avoid reminiscing on what was once a joyous life.”
Our concerned reporters sought out an Old Beta bro to see if they’ve struggled with similar internal strife. Zac Stevenson of Old Beta reassured our reporters that the brothers moved into hiding in the Emory sewers, where their lifestyles are able to continue unchanged.
When asked if they have accepted their situation, Stevenson replied, “We later learned that the SigEp-Delt house formed as a joint project between the Emory Psychology Department, the Inter-Fraternity Council, and Emory Housing as a case study of behavior analysis when you put two independent groups of self-unaware men in the same habitat. In the end, it’s nice to know that the purpose of the house is still the same.”
To attempt to provide more hope, our reporters went to the SigEp-Delt house for uplifting tales of triumph in the face of hardship.
Our reporter tried to get a quote from a SigEp brother, but only acquired an over-emotional ramble. Our reporter attempted to piece together what he had heard, but even the brief pieces he understood seemed irrational and inconsistent. Our reporter was then ushered to talk to and pointed in the direction of a monkey hectically using a random word generator to find the next party theme, which he later learned was the social chair.
With the lack of response, our reporter decided to go to their second choice of interviewees – DTD. Our reporter struggled to find a brother who wasn’t too busy with “more important” things than homelessness, such as fighting with the Inter-Fraternity Council about why they couldn’t also paint their window for Novemberfest. When asked for a statement on this new opportunity in life, the DTD brother said, “No comment,” then shook the reporter’s hand, following with, “It was a pleasure.”
At press time, all of the homeless frats were found staying warm this winter season by the fire of a nice blunt from the comfort of all of their respective off-campus apartments.