With news of Corona virus making its way to the United States, Emory Hospital is beginning to worry that the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (not doing a great job on the “Prevention” front) will, once again, make their business Emory’s business. They have released several statements reminding the CDC that just because they are five minutes apart does not mean that they are affiliated with each other. In addition, they want to remind everyone that they are owned by Coca-Cola, not the big scary building with the Black Plague in it.
Hospital employees swear that they are “Entirely good on all that spooky shit, but thanks anyway,” and that they are still recovering from that time the CDC forced them to allow Ebola to just airdrop right into the building like some sort of military raid. Emory Hospital swears that they are not uniquely positioned to cure infectious diseases, they’ve just been cursed with close proximity to the CDC. “We didn’t do anything fancy with the Ebola patient, all we did was treat them like a freshman with really, really bad alcohol poisoning, and somehow it worked,” said Emory nurse Highlei Cahntageous. “Does SCAD have a hospital? Maybe just send them to SCAD.”
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