She’s sitting one row in front of you, ADPi tote draped over her chair, long blonde hair swishing as she laughs with her girlfriends. Her laptop is open to Urban Outfitters; she’s so smart, she doesn’t even need to pay attention to the lecture. She’s perfect, not like other girls. After class, she leans back in her chair, the air smells like warm vanilla and cherries.
“Hey… you! That thing you said in class? It was soooo funny! You should be a comedian! Hey, also… this is so random… could I, like, have your study guide?”
Of course, angel! Why wouldn’t you share your study guide with your future wife? This is perfect. You can feel it, the raw, sexual chemistry between you two. I mean, it’s not surprising that you would become a couple, you really are sooo funny. She must have been impressed by the way you corrected the professor on a typo in his powerpoint. Or maybe it was how you played devil’s advocate in the class discussion about feminism. Either way, she wants you. All 5’7”, 140lbs of you. Sure, you might not be as ‘classically handsome’ as her boyfriend, Brian, but he’s not a nice guy like you. Besides, you’re funny. She said so herself. And she wouldn’t lie to you, not after what the two of you have been through together.
It’s time to celebrate with a glass of bubbly. Soon you’ll be sharing that bottle of nonalcoholic sparkling cider with the love of your life, but for now, you’re content with just calling your mom.
This happened to me but instead of a girl it was a dude and instead of asking for my study guide he killed my parents, leaving me in the care of my butler.