It’s almost Valentine’s Day! So all you losers in supposedly-committed relationships, situationships, budding romances, and everything in between need some date-spots to wow your current one and only!
The Gender Neutral Bathroom
If you can find one that isn’t already occupado, grab your disinfectant and lock the damn door! This private shitter can be transformed into a romantic sex palace if enough clorox, febreeze, and desperation fill the room.
Peavine Parking Deck
The top level of Peavine offers truly stunning sunset views for you two to enjoy. Plus, very few people ever venture that far up, so make use of a vacant lot. Wink, Wink. Is it still technically called roadhead if the car is parked?
Your Dorm
If you really suck at planning, just sit quietly on your twin bed eating Kaldis takeout and watching the last episodes of Sex Education. Maybe that will distract you two enough from breaking up on Vday. Or your roommate will walk in just as your pants come off!
Woodruff Library
Normally, the Stacks are where students go to academically flagellate themselves. However, on Valentine’s Day, whips and chains excite even those few students studying on a friday night. Bonus Game: See how freaky and quiet you two can be!
The CDC
Go on an adventure! Break into the CDC and explore! Get a felony! See who can catch your significant other first: you or the Coronavirus.
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