People are struggling left and right all over the world. You know what I’m talking about. No omelettes. No frittata. This national egg shortage is clearly a punishment from God. Do we deserve this?
Many say yes, but one bird, Swoop, doesn’t think so. Though it’s never been done, Swoop pledges to be the first male eagle to lay eggs. Not content to stop at one miracle, Swoop plans to lay a full baker’s dozen every day until the egg shortage is resolved. Swoop can’t promise they’ll be white, or round, or even an egg, but dammit he will lay something. Before he begins his egg-laying escapade, Swoop chose to release a statement to the public.
“There have been questions about my slight cough,” Swoop said before coughing a shit ton. “I assure you, it is just frat flu. Nothing more!” Swoop broke out into a sweat before tearing off his “Emory Eagles” shirt, resulting in no less than ten dirty tissues falling out.
Reporters pressed on. How can we trust these male-laid eagle eggs? Will Swoop’s illness be transmitted to quiche-aficionados everywhere? And we hate to bring it up, but…the BF word was thrown around. A lot.
“Yes, I am a bird. And yes, I have the flu. But I DO NOT have Bird Flu,” said Swoop. He then popped seven cough drops in at once, wrapper and all. “That’s racist to even suggest.” Swoop remained adamant, as well as beet red and naked in 40 degree weather. He refused to address the BF rumors again.
For those interested, Swoop’s eggs can be purchased at Eagle Emporium. Each egg is sold individually as they weigh about a pound each.
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