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Swim Team Files Formal Complaint with Athletic Department After New Long Tables in DCT Are Not Elevated Enough to Support Full Ego

There was widespread shock when the swim team first stepped into the newly erected Dobbs Common Table and observed the seating available, sources close to the situation confirmed. Swim team captain Jake Kuraly (19C, 6′ 5″) sent a letter this week to the athletic department requesting that additional accommodations be made to support the team. Commenting to the Spoke, he said, “Yeah so we thought at first there was just a mistake in the new DUC, but after looking on even the other side of Stem and Root, we realized that all the tables were at the same height, including the long tables.”

In the letter, Kuraly expressed the team’s disappointment in not being able to assert themselves as superior over the rest of Emory, and other swimmers wondered how they would show off their bangin’ swim bods at this height. Multiple swimmers considered placing their Powerade bottles on the table, but worried that the bottles alone could be confused with those of sports such as Cross Country or Softball. 

“At the end of the day,” Kuraly said, “We hope to come to a resolution with the DUC staff and the Athletic Department that will provide the proper vertical height required for our egos.”

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