Most Emory students have only been to the Writing Center because they got lost. But recently, there’s been a gargantuan influx of students passing through the doors of Callaway N111. As Emory’s most reputable publication, The Spoke just had to stop by to see what’s up.
A Writing Center representative had to scream for us to hear her words over the thundering noise of hundreds of students typing: “We caved to pressure. We help students with their transfer applications now.”
No wonder the room was so full.
“We’re split about advertising the service. On one hand, we know that transfer app counseling might be the only positive thing that former students and graduates have to say about Emory. But on the other hand…”
At this time, a student sitting nearby who was hunched over his laptop violently cracked his knuckles before returning to his Brown essays. The scene was magnificent to witness. With such a hard-working group of intellectuals, it was only natural they would be ready to flirt with the Ivies. Or UChicago. Or any place but Emory.
We approached another Writing Center tutor for comment once her shift had ended, asking if she liked the job despite her workload increasing by more than 4000% since the new service had opened.
The tutor, who will be kept anonymous for obvious reasons, responded that she had secretly been giving out bad advice because “she’s applying to those same schools.” Apparently, Stanford wants to know if you’re “chill like that”— hence their mascot The Tree. She refuses to quit until she’s paid off her application fees.
There you have it! The Writing Center is finally busy. Our wise hearts truly do seek knowledge… just anywhere but here.
Be First to Comment