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No Country Left Behind: Luxembourg Week Excites Campus


Inspired by Korea Week, Tibet Week, China Week, and India Week, the Luxembourg Student Association is eager to show Emory its cultural heritage through a week-long showcase. Although many campus groups expressed doubt that the Luxembourgers would be able to fully demonstrate the rich culture of their country in the short span of a week, the group has managed to beat the odds and create a fun but manageable six event-per-day schedule for the entire Emory student body to enjoy.

Each event is advertised as providing free food and yodeling performances. They are rumored to have booked world-renowned yodeler Johann D’Leur for a special six-hour performance. The Luxembourg Student Association kindly requests that the French Club and Belgian Club show additional forms of identification  before entering each event.

It is rumored that St. Kitts and Nevis, Liechtenstein, Vatican City, and Monaco are also planning a full week of celebration at Emory for each of their countries. In an effort to culture the ignorant masses, Emory’s administration is now allowing any and every cultural organization funds to promote their culture for a week, even if the resulting combination of Czechoslovakian goat meat fumes and Bolivian bean burrito gas proves to be deadly.

The generosity of Emory’s office of Student Involvement and Campus Life has had unforeseen consequences. With every nation state claiming an entire week for their culture, competition for the few weeks remaining in the school year has intensified. Clubs thought to be culturally similar were asked to combine their events, causing panic, unrest, and protests. Representatives from the Latvian, Lithuanian, and Estonian clubs were reportedly refusing to cooperate, citing how they “are, like, always expected to share everything and it’s just so unfair.” The North and South Korean clubs have agreed to share decorations, but a student from the Swiss club must be the runner to deliver the said decorations between the festive demilitarized zone between the club events.

At press time, Student Life approached the African Student Union with a request that they “demonstrate the culture of their country.”

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