Emory Students Announce Ambitious Spring Break Plans

With spring break coming just around the corner, Emory students are getting ready to leave their mark on the world. Some of the best and brightest shared their ambitious plans for the upcoming week.

Junior Molly Pangburn plans on singlehandedly saving the bees during her break. “I really care about nature and bees and flowers. I’m going to go out every day and destroy all of the beehives so the bees just have to pollinate.” She very enthusiastically declared The Bee Movie as the source of her inspiration. “I initially was going to do something for Flint, Michigan but I think drinking bottled water will be good for them. Tap water is just gross. I don’t see why people are upset over any of it.”

Senior Carter Godfrey announced he has a 10-step strategy to end worldwide homelessness on Facebook this past Friday. His post includes 22 extremely passionate hashtags including variations of #HomiesForTheHomeless. He responded with “no comment” when The Spoke inquired more into his cause.

The president of the Emory College Republicans also has big plans. He is designing an official Betsy DeVos Lego Set equipped with grizzly bears, five different types of guns, and a library filled entirely with mini plastic Bibles.

Rebecca Grant, a freshman and aspiring doctor, is dedicating this spring break to building her application for medical school. “I’m still debating on working to cure cancer or just the common cold. Honestly, I might just try to fit both into my schedule this week. If I can find the cures for both, Johns Hopkins can’t deny me, right?”

Some students are truly pushing to achieve the impossible. Junior Andre Muller has valiantly decided to attempt to locate the mysterious and fabled “Oxford Campus.”

“I’ve heard of its existence but I didn’t believe the rumors until recently,” she said. “I don’t know what I’m expecting if I actually do find it. Is this where dreams of participating in Dooley’s Bowl come to die?”

The Spoke wishes these students the best of luck.

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