Danny Ocean Not Denying an Appearance at DUC Vegas

Danny Ocean, best known as the leader of the heist crew “Ocean’s Eleven,” has not denied his attendance to DUC Vegas. The University reached out in advance to its casino-themed game night in the DUC in order to establish that the notorious thief will not make a play at the vault, but has not received any indication of other plans. Consequently, DUC officials monitoring the casino night have been preparing for the worst case scenario.

“If Mr. Ocean tries to steal from us, we will be prepared,” assured Richard Braxton, DUC Vegas coordinator and Blackjack dealer. “We have already taken precautions to ensure the safety of our prizes and poker chips. I cannot go into much detail, just in case Mr. Ocean is listening to this conversation, but I can say that the chips are certainly not under the oxygen bar. Do not check there, Mr. Ocean, because you will be disappointed.”

Further precautions being taken that have been publicly released are that pit bosses will receive training on how to identify Danny Ocean in a crowd and how to defend against his characteristic smile. Janette Cara, facial analysis specialist, argues that these are two key strategies that other casino owners have failed to execute, which allowed Ocean to successfully lead the heists. “I have reviewed under close scrutiny the symmetry of Ocean’s face. My best conclusion is that people confuse him for well-known actor, George Clooney, and become starstruck. Preparation for this reaction is necessary to thwart Ocean’s strategy.”
While the prizes are likely worth about as much as much as  a McDonald’s happy meal toy and the poker chips have no monetary value, Braxton assured us that DUC Vegas is a casino that will tempt Ocean to make a move. Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and eight other forgettable actors have still not made it clear whether they will be attending the casino night.

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