- Stop looking both ways before you cross the street. Just stop doing it. Look straight ahead and cross the road like the chicken that you are. Turning your neck is for pussies and rich assholes who pay full tuition.
- Walk reeeeeeeallllyyyy slowly. If you’re virtually immobile in front of an Emory bus for too long, hopefully they’ll be so exasperated by your incompetence that they’ll decide you’re not smart enough to go to Emory and drive over you.
- Wear camo. The bus driver will say, “What student? All I saw was a creepy floating head.”
- Lay down on a speed bump. Nobody will see you, and soon, your tuition will be paid for! You’ll also be a bleeding corpse, but at least the undue financial burden of a mediocre Emory education won’t be passed down to your family for generations to come!
- If all else fails, charge the vehicle. Fucking Kamikazi style. Naruto run at the windshield and slap yourself onto it like a bug.
5 Ways to Ensure You Get Run Over by an Emory Vehicle Before Graduation
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