SPC envious of other organizations’ ability to attract bigger names

In light of John Legend’s  Young Democrats-sponsored visit to Emory, where he discussed prison reform, the Student Programming Council has expressed substantial jealousy regarding their ability to attract equally as impressive figures in the entertainment industry for school-sponsored events.

“Nothing disgusts me more than the fact that celebrated public figures prefer speaking voluntarily on behalf of issues that are important to them over wads of university-endowed cash being thrown at them.  Unbelievable,” said Marcus Northam, a representative of SPC and self-described as “fiscally conservative, but socially liberal.”

Despite their large budget, the Student Programming Council has struggled to attract figures comparable to a guy who attended UPenn, married a comedian/chef/supermodel, has won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony, and sings like a goddamn angel.

When reached for comment on their John Legend booking, Young Democrats’ representative Carla Baez told the Spoke “we booked a f***ing EGOT. No further comments.”

Legend’s speaking engagement has proved to be a major point of discontent for SPC, who now claim that they are in talks with former President Barack Obama’s people for a potential Dooley’s Week event because “if the Democrats want to take our jobs, then we’ll take theirs.”