In a shocking turn of events, Ray Jenkins (23C) actually sought help for his sickness instead of dying slowly in his room while finishing his first QTM lab of the semester. “I decided to embark on this hike for my health, but I did not realize it would only make things worse,” he told The Spoke.
He planned on taking a shuttle, but the Rider app said the next shuttle on that route wouldn’t be at Woodruff Circle for at least three years. After barely surviving the walk to Student Health Services and throwing up in every single bush he passed, Jenkins collapsed at the sight of the building, it’s entrance trapped behind “multiple flights of stairs like its fucking Azkaban or something.”
Jenkins eventually built up the strength to crawl up the one hundred stairs, clinging onto the railing as if it was his last three Dooley Dollars, and found his way to health services. They tested him for appendicitis, which he knew he did not have as his appendix was removed three years ago. They refused to give him any medicine out of fear of covering up appendicitis. Jenkins Ubered back to campus, and only threw up three times, so maybe Student Health helped a little.
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