The Cox Dining Hall workers watched in awe as Sophomore Julia Garfield walked up to Freshens and bought a grilled chicken salad and a smoothie. What would normally be considered a nutritious and respectable choice during the semester, is now considered a blatant disregard towards her final grades and her future. “She just walked right up to the counter and started ordering a chicken salad. I thought that might be some new slang word for Adderall I hadn’t heard, so I told her we don’t sell drugs here” said a Cox worker who wished to remain anonymous.
Garfield’s choice to eat rather than studying in stacks for 24 consecutive hours without sleeping, showering, or eating demonstrates just how reckless she is willing to be with her grades. Everyone knows the only way to pass your finals and not disappoint your parents is to pop a couple pills that aren’t prescribed to you and ignore every medical professionals’ advice ever. Your mind retains information better when you get a full night’s sleep? Sounds fake. This bio review won’t do itself while you’re dreaming about Christmas break, so get to work.
The only other person inside Cox at the time, Senior Mike Greiner, who was at Blue Donkey preparing to replace another meal with his sixth iced coffee of the day, commented on what he observed. “First of all, she looked totally well rested. Secondly, she was wearing jeans, she clearly hadn’t been studying at all. Also, I heard her pay with Dooley Dollars– who the hell has Dooley Dollars left? I ran out eight weeks ago. It was disgusting to watch.”
We hope that other students use Greiner as an example of what not to do. Stay in the library, don’t go outside, and keep doing your ineffective studying methods. You can focus on repairing your mental health on December 19th.
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