So, you want to fuck that special someone in your life, but your also a broke bitch who went through half their dooley dollars in the first month of being back. Next time you’re trying to smash and dash, fuck and duck, nut and cut, or coitus and avoidous, take a trip to the DCT. Emory dining has created the ultimate aphrodisiac. In previous years, a simple trip to the DUC never failed to put people in the mood. Now, there is the infinitely hotter DCT.
“I mean yeah I know she wanted me to like take her out or whatever but honestly I’m just tryna hit it and quit it.” said freshman Ben Jones. He went on to explain why he chose the DCT, “My boys told me I could skip foreplay if I brought this bitch here.” While Ben’s date Jessica immediately flipped him off and left after hearing his interview, there is hope for the rest of you sexually frustrated kids looking for a quick nut.
The Emory Health department recently ran a study on which DCT stations students found the most arousing. Although Avoiding Gluten is clearly the most sexually-charged station (nothing gets people going like thinking about celiac disease), researchers were unsure where on the spectrum the rest of them laid. After extensive surveying, it was concluded that Fire and Spice was the runner-up. The thrill of knowing that the food from this station could lead to you shitting your pants is probably the reason for that result. The department plans to lobby for condoms to be placed near these stations to promote safe sex.
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