Philosopher of the Year: Kendrick Lamar
Druid Hills, GA – According to modern day philosopher Kendrick Lamar, we might “catch him in Atlanta looking like a boss.” On April 5th, thousands of Lamar’s dedicated followers caught him looking like said boss, in a white hoodie on a Division III athletic field 15 minutes away from downtown Atlanta.
Lamar’s philosophical followers entered the field starting at approximately 7pm to hear his “pep talks turn into pep rallies.” The diversity of the crowd ranged from sorority girls from the North Shore of Long Island to certified pick-pocketing guests from the greater (maybe even the greatest) area of Atlanta.
“Pussy and patron,” exclaimed the Compton-based thinker. If you ask us, this is the greatest philosophical revelation since “I think, therefore I am.” Someone please explain to us how Kenny Lam has not at least been appointed the TA for Philosophy 540 – Swimming Pools Full of Libertarianism.
People have the nerve to tell me that Kenny is not a philosopher, but merely a rapper. Well, word to your mother: Ken may not have been chilling with Plato 2,300 years ago, nor is he a hipster with a MacBook sipping a dirty chai latte at Starbucks, but he addressed questions just as meaningful as Nietzsche’s. You feel me?
To illustrate, let’s play a game – am I quoting supposedly non-philosophical ‘Drick lyrics or Descartes’ great axioms?
1. “The freedom is granted as soon as the damage of vodka arrives.”
2. “Halle Berry or Hallelujah.”
3. “Bitch, don’t kill my vibe.”
4. “Ya bish.”
Guess what? They are ALL from one of the greatest thinkers of today, Kendrick Lamar. Gotcha, didn’t I?
Honestly, compared to Dricky, Descartes is not even a philosopher – just a guy who lives in his mom’s basement and posts on Tumblr every night.
I know I am not the only one with the goal of ensuring that Lamar achieves status as a Hall-of-Famer in the American Philosophical Society. Who’s with me?