IFC Replaces Traditional “Run the Row” with “Death Brawl on the Row”

As the week-long fraternity rush process comes to a close, IFC has finally released details regarding the long awaited rework of the University’s usual “Run the Row” event that will be taking place this afternoon. IFC President Richard Kickerman described concerns with the old system in which new members would run down fraternity row to their house of choice with the rest of their pledge class.

“Fraternity life at Emory is about promoting unity and brotherhood” said Kickerman, “and although running with your new pledge class is a bonding experience, the inter-fraternity council feels that much stronger bonds of friendship could be formed if you had to team up with your pledge class in a massive fight to the death”. Additionally, Kickerman described concerns that these freshmen “seemed like pretty big pussies for the most part” and that this event should “separate the strong from the weak much more effectively than simply jogging down the row”.

This change has been met with mixed reviews in the Emory Greek Life community. One member of the Sigma Chi fraternity described his Run the Row experience, stating that “Running from the top of Eagle Row to the house was the most exhilarating fifteen steps I’ve ever taken, and I don’t think this new system can ever compare”. Supporters of the new event include President Wagner, who stated that “finally the kids that go to this shitty-ass D3 school will give me a sporting event I can enjoy watching” and the “retro” fraternities Sigma Nu and Phi Delta Theta, who are eager for an event they can participate in without running forty minutes to their off campus houses.

“Right now there is going to be a lot of criticism because Death Brawl on the Row is a new idea,” Tom Winston, a gout ridden Sigma Nu brother, told The Spoke, “but in five years time Death Brawl on the Row is going to be as proud and rich a tradition as the McDonough Ecstasy Pit, which replaced Dooley’s Week 40 years ago.”