It seems like the President’s visit to Emory University last week wasn’t as innocent as we once thought. While the campus was being outfitted to be a red carpet for the POTUS, some secret service agents were seen exploring restaurants around Emory Village. One such exploration was captured by a brave anonymous student, who then revealed that two agents were having lunch at Falafel King.
Here at the Emory Spoke, we wouldn’t publish some baseless conspiracy theory. That’s a job for the Emory Whig. Instead, we’re here to present hard facts and evidence of what was going on at Falafel King, and how this affects life at Emory as we know it.
Biden’s visit to Emory prompted a rather strange response from the administration. Despite letting SPC somehow host events during a pandemic, the administration has been rather strict in allowing public groups and activities. However, when the President visited campus, all of that strictness seemed to vanish. There was a crowd bigger than the audience of any Emory sports game outside the administration building, hoping to catch a glimpse of the President. Photos of this crowd were posted on Facebook and Twitter, prompting outraged anti-vaxxers to comment about how “I thought we were supposed to social distance! I guess it was a big fat socialist lie after all!”
And yet, not a word from Fenves or Jan Love. It was silent.
Clearly, this means they’re hiding something. The administration needed all of campus to remain on the quad for some reason. They used the President as bait, and if any students strayed away from the quad, let the senators walk by and wave to attract attention. It was the perfect plan.
Consider this. Everyone was there to see Biden. But Biden never appeared. Was he ever here? Who’s to say that he even visited in the first place. It’s possible his speech was pre-recorded.
With all of that in mind, it’s obvious what happened here. Look on Google Maps and search up Falafel King. The one in Emory Village is the only Falafel King. Have you ever visited there? The staff there is incredibly nice and wholesome. There couldn’t possibly be some kind of weird Hollywood pedophile ring in its basement.
So, Biden never appeared, only two secret service agents visited Falafel King, this is the only Falafel King, and all of campus was distracted on the quad. The answer is right in front of our eyes: Biden took a trip to Emory specifically to eat at Falafel King alone. No one noticed, just a quick adventure for the President. And what President wouldn’t? Falafel King is really fucking good.
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