By Rasheet Loo
At approximately 2:13 AM on February 20th, an EMS member received a phone call regarding “a man defecating on Dooley,” according to the EMS incident report. As EMS approached the scene of the deuce, they were shocked to discover that, that not only was there a turd on Dooley, but several Northern Russian Puffins and South American Kinkajous in cages were present. The culprit of this manure related incident was Emory student and President of Sigma Eta Iota Tau (ΣΗΙΤ), Ben Dover (20B). Dover was brought back to the EMS HQ Poo Division on the grounds of “shitting on Dooley and illegally trafficking exotic foreign animals.” Despite Dover’s loose sphincter, it is uncertain if he get off Scott-Tube-Toilet-Paper-Free. However, it is clear that Dover will have to live with the social consequences of being known as the man who made a poopy on Dooley.
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