Many Emory students and organizations have cosigned a petition this week, one that argues for students to have Election Day off so that it will be easier for students to vote. What readers might not be familiar with, however, is that a second petition signed solely by the Emory College Republicans is currently circulating. It demands that Emory makes the ballot accessible to students “but maybe just for the Brads and Chets out there.” The thirty page essay includes poorly cited statistics on voter fraud as well as a provision to allow some history majors to skip class to vote, on the condition that they can name more types of German panzers than Constitutional amendments.
“We really just want to respect and celebrate America’s long and proud history of voter disenfranchisement,” said club president Shannon-Hayleigh Ingrid Thompson with a tear in her eye. “Sorry, I just get a little nostalgic sometimes. My boyfriend Brock says I have an old soul, and I think he’s right because I was definitely meant to be born in Newt Gingrich’s generation.” Thompson also told us, unprompted, that she’s written in Ronald Reagan for every elected office she has ever voted for and that we’d probably recognize her as that one Emory Helpline worker who just tells you to be happier.
The petition is not the only way the organization is getting involved in the Emory community; in the next month, the club will also be hosting their yearly Voter De-Registration Drive. Our sources also indicate there are plans to bring more speakers to campus despite prohibitions on campus gatherings, in a series currently titled Heather Mac Donald 2: Pandemic Boogaloo. As of the publication of this article, the only signatories to the petition include the Emory College Republicans and the Emory Equestrian Club.
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