BREAKING: Professors Don’t Seem to Understand Meaning of Reading Day

DECEMBER 11, 2019—On what is clearly stated as Reading Day in the Emory 2019 Course Schedule, there have been multiple reports of professors holding “review sessions” at the same time and location at which their classes have been held all semester. These “review sessions” are colloquially known amongst students as “class”. “It’s fascinating,” remarked Senior Reporter for the Emory Wheel, Nosie Rules, “In what I can only describe as a widespread illiteracy flash epidemic, it appears that most professors have interpreted ‘reading day’ as ‘speaking loudly and quickly in a futile effort to cram information into 50 unallocated minutes day’”. Professors are reportedly stating that these sessions are “optional” with the caveat that they are not optional and although they can’t actually enforce them they will threaten students with the fear of said possibility. “It’s almost like if they had managed their time better then this wouldn’t have happene—” Said student Rosie Smith before being tackled by undercover members of Dooley’s Bodyguard.