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Student Infuriated by Weather Patterns

The recent torrential downpours reportedly created consternation within the student body. Jackson Wimp, a second year student from Merrick, New York, claimed last week that he “did not come to Emory for this shit.” The comment comes after a series of severe weather warnings for the Metro Atlanta area that were apparently not severe enough to cancel class, even in the B-school.

“Living in New York is actually very hard, the weather is unpredictable,” Wimp told the Spoke, “so when I was applying to colleges, I tried to look for ones in cities that were well known for their year-round tropical temperatures.”

This sentiment seems to be a common one, expressed by northeastern students across campus during all four seasons. So the question stands, what type of “shit” did these students come to Emory for?

(Thankfully, you can’t walk five feet on campus without bumping into someone from Long Island, so the Spoke had no trouble finding other quotes for this article.)

Thunderstorms and tornado warnings were not the only unexpected obstacles for non-native Atlanteans. Winter, which comes in February rather than December, also rocked the student body, as apparently everyone left their warm clothes in their Upper East Side apartments when they returned to Emory for the second semester.

“Honestly, I was offended when the temperature dropped below 70 degrees after winter break,” said first year Jessica Goldstein, “I literally had to call my mom and tell her to send down my Canada Goose jacket, it was such a hassle!!”

It appears to be a little known fact to students from the north that Atlanta, while ranging between warm and unbearably hot for most of the year, does in fact have the capability of extreme and severe weather conditions. The Spoke reached out to Deborah Leibowitz, a high school college counselor in Westchester, to try and track down the root of this misunderstanding.

“The problem is that when kids are making their college application lists, they often aim too high,” said Leibowitz. “Everyone was disappointed when they didn’t get into Yale and Princeton, so a while back we started suggesting that they apply to a more…attainable school. Nobody had ever heard of Emory before so we told them that the weather there was great and I guess they didn’t do research before applying?”

While there is nothing that can actually be done about the weather, the Spoke suggests that if you are going to complain about it ceaselessly, do so to your mother over the phone from the cmfort of your patent leather sofa at a $2,000 per month Emory Point apartment.

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