Complaining about the DCT food has long been a favorite student pastime, with thousands of plates of half-eaten food discarded every day.
“The wastage was getting out of hand” said the head of DCT janitorial staff Peter Johnson, “We were running out of places to compost it all at the end of the day.” Several members of the janitorial staff had begun compressing “WALL-E” style blocks of leftovers and putting them in the Goizueta Business Library, where, if the students were a good reference, the food would break down faster. Unfortunately, this gesture was misinterpreted as an act of charity, and someone got their father’s law firm to send Emory a cease-and-desist.
Then, for the first time in history, the Emory College Republicans came up with a solution! As a poorly conceptualized scheme to ‘make liberals pay’, they hid pot brownies at the dessert table, which is often the first place people head when the DCT tries their hand at ethnic food. Within the hour, stoned students were wandering from station to station, loading their plates with pasta, chicken, and all the other foods which had previously remained untouched.
However, Emory College Republicans could not continue this for more than a few days, as dealers simply could not stand to interact with them any longer. Leftovers began to pile up again, even more now that students had realized how palatable the food was when they were “zooted”. SPC, eager to redeem themselves after announcing the homecoming artists, began funding “Pot Brownie Roulette” every day during dinner, where an unmarked batch of brownies is hidden amongst the rest.
“It’s been a lot better since Pot Brownie Roulette began,” reflected Johnson, “We might choose to get rid of normal brownies altogether, you guys are a lot easier to deal with when you smell that za-za.”
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