For many, fighting through a sea of business majors, former situationships, Oxford continuees, and God knows who else is a daily occurrence while searching for a mediocre meal in the depths of Cox Hall. Yes, the line management could use some work, but is it worth shutting down for an entire year? We reached out to recent Cox customers and Emory faculty to share their opinions on this closure.
Michelle Obama: After the funeral, I just had to stop by and see what options Emory had available. I was truly shocked when no one offered me a fruit or juice at Twisted Taco. I can’t believe America is still this screwed up 8 years after I graciously fixed all your school lunches. And to make matters worse, I think some Theta girl pushed past me in the checkout line! Anyway, I can’t wait for the next funeral, so I can see if you’ve fixed the place.
Dooley: I’m devastated. I’ve fucked behind the counter of the Dooley’s Farm salad bar more times than I can count. I’ve never seen anyone step foot even close to that place, making it the perfect bone zone. Really gonna miss that spot.
Greg Fenves: You’ve all seen my mansion in Lullwater, do you really think I’m eating at Cox? I don’t give a shit what happens there.
Jon Ossoff: Every time I stop by campus to give one of my little speeches, the one thing that gets me through the day is knowing that afterward I’m gonna get dicked down by Dooley behind the Farmer’s Market Salad Bar. I guess now I’ll just have to get railed in the Senate hearing room like everyone else.
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