Newly Reinstated Fraternity DTD, QuikTrip in Bidding War Over Emory Village Abandoned Gas Station

Initially listed by Emory Village Chamber of Commerce as 18 billion BitCoin
Initially listed by Emory Village Chamber of Commerce as 18 billion BitCoin

With the recent news of Delta Tau Delta’s return to Emory sweeping across campus, so begins the hunt for the newest site of sticky floors and overbearing, overplayed house music.  But despite the best efforts of the brothers to reclaim their old location, Emory Residence Life’s application of the classic “finders keepers, losers weepers” principle have forced the DTD brothers to continue their search of open properties in the area.

“Location, location, location,” said DTD revivalist Bradley Fowler, “It’s the only thing that matters.  While everyone else is trapped wandering the row, DTD will be throwing down in the trendiest part of Emory’s peripheral campus.”

Fowler’s plans to colonize Emory Village’s abandoned gas station have been given the green light by Emory’s IFC, but he still has a long way to go before the champagne is popped and the seizure inducing strobe lights are plugged in. QuikTrip’s CEO Chad Cadel has expressed serious interest in creating a new franchise on the vacant lot, gaining support from Emory’s sizeable Goizueta investors club. However, Fowler seemed less than phased.

“We may have only been chartered for a week and a half, but the brotherhood here at DTD won’t just crumple at the feet of an 11 billion dollar corporation.” Emphasized Fowler, citing that their brotherhood “isn’t just about drinking beers and throwing parties, it’s about an indescribable fraternal bond.”

When questioned further Fowler turned away, squeaking out “you wouldn’t understand,” as he stared at the floor.

Despite Fowler’s confidence, the numbers don’t look promising. After liquidating their assets in order to prepare for purchase, the brothers of DTD were surprised at the remarkably low figure presented to them by their in-house accountant/treasure, Willis Becker.

“If I’m being completely honest I thought we could have gotten more for our three and a half racks of Keystone,” Becker said, disappointed at his lack of success at enriching the fraternity.

In total, DTD’s Keystones, broken DJ setup, warped pong table, and blown-out speakers sold for an estimated $75.42. This number is discouraging for the brothers when set against QT’s opening offer of $250,000.

“Don’t worry,” explained Becker, “we’re working on a payment plan.”

At press time, Delta Tau Delta informed the IFC that they would be holding rush in DUC Room 431.

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