At 8:30 in the morning, early rising Emory students trudge through the DUC (I’m not fucking calling it the DCT, sorry freshmen) for the notorious best meal of “DUC Breakfast.” Which translates roughly to scrambled eggs that are mysteriously served as one solid brick. Students have become accustomed to watching that one weird kid from their freshman seminar eat nothing but tater tots for breakfast and getting yelled at in the stir fry line for standing two inches out of place. But what first year Brian Manzo saw on Friday morning raised lots of questions.
Among the dozens of freshmen fighting over the remaining piece of banana bread, a man in a suit carrying a clipboard wandered around the duc. Even worse, he was accompanied by a woman in a plaid pencil skirt carrying an identical clipboard. “At first I tried to ignore them, but then I was like oh fuck, they’re about sit down and eat here.” Manzo told the Spoke. None of the students could understand why any full grown adult that could afford a whole ass suit would willingly sit down and eat the questionable looking sausage patties. “This was weirder than the time that random man brought his toddler to eat in the dining hall.” Manzo concluded.
It is still unclear what the well-dressed strangers were doing in the DUC. It can only be assumed he was collecting data on something, but we can confidently say that the data collected will not result in the DUC chicken getting any seasoning whatsoever in the foreseeable future.
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