What To Do When You Cook Your Aunt Instead of a Turkey

Whoops! If you are reading this, it’s probably because you cooked your aunt instead of the turkey.

First, remind yourself that it’s okay. People make mistakes. Really. These things happen to everyone, and it’s not nearly as big of a deal as you might think. 

Take a breath and take a break. Your body has been working so hard. Your aunt is heavy, and it took a lot of upper-body strength. Be proud of that. Sit down and forget about her for a second; you have made a beautiful meal for your family. It doesn’t always have to be about her. Why is it literally always about her? 

Look at the bright side and focus on the positives: One less mouth to feed! One less birthday to worry about.

Take a bite? I mean, honestly, it really doesn’t taste that different. Not that I’d know. But if you put enough gravy on it—sorry—her, would anyone even be able to tell? 

Tell the truth. No one can be that mad. They understand the stress you are under at work. With that big merger going on? They probably would have done the same, or worse! They’re family. They get it. 

 Have the meal in her memory. There’s nothing more touching than honoring your aunt with a lovely meal shared by her family. Have everyone tell their favorite stories about her. Like that time she told you that you looked fat in that sweater, or that time she Venmo requested you for gas after a ten minute drive. Ha! She really was the best, wasn’t she? 

Look around and take it in. Honestly, it’s peaceful without her. People are laughing. Light fills the room, and you understand how lucky you are to have something so beautiful. Life can be so fleeting. Suddenly, your brother-in-law starts talking about politics. You don’t know much about what he’s saying. Something about your rights? But with his shrill little voice, you can’t even tell. Oh my god, you forgot how annoying he is. You start to wish that your aunt was back; she would’ve given him a piece of her mind. Ugh, you just know things would be so much better if he wasn’t here. But there’s nothing you can do. Literally nothing. Ok, one thing. One small thing you could do. The oven is still warm from dinner, it really wouldn’t take much to get that shit heated up again. I mean, what’s Thanksgiving without dessert?

Anyway, preheat the oven again.