Emory has received report of an incident that occurred at approximately 11:00 PM on Saturday, April 19th. Two students left a party together. Out of respect, we will call the students Sam and Kim (because those are their names).
The two returned to Sam’s Dobbs dorm room, hitting their heads on the ceiling multiple times as they engaged in illicit activities. During these activities, Kim noticed a camera flash go off and realized Sam had taken a selfie of the two of them during the act.
“I was disgusted,” said Kim. “It was a complete invasion of privacy and breach of trust.”
We asked Sam to comment as to why he would do such a thing. This is what he had to say:
“Yeah, so, basically, the semester is almost over, and I really needed some credit for Play Emory. To be honest, this is probably the hardest class I’ve ever taken. It’s taking a big toll on my mental health. Speaking of which, people don’t talk about men’s mental health enough. Anyway, I thought doing keg stands would cover me for all the hours I needed, but they didn’t accept them. And the gym is just ridiculously far from Dobbs. Doing this with Kim only got me like 14 seconds of credit, though. Cowabummer.”
The encounter, unfortunately, did not end there. Kim went on to say:
“After he… finished, we sat on his bed for a while, and he just scrolled on his phone. Then he started trying to show me Instagram reels, and started doing his Peter Griffin impression. It was probably the worst part of the night. Peter Griffin would never say those things, and his laugh sounds more like this–”
Kim then went on to do a perfect Peter Griffin impression.
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