DOOLEY’S WEEK IS HERE!
Dear Emory community,
It is that time of year, and Lady Dooley is ready to set sail. On THURSDAY, APRIL 16th, join us on McDonough Field for SHIPWRECKED, the final day of programming! In addition to the usual unwearable merch and lineup of JC Penney-rate entertainment, SPC is proud to announce that simulations of the OceanGate Titan Submersible will be offered!
Come one, come all, to experience the gut-wrenching horror of being completely isolated under the sea…kind of like the feeling you get when all of your friends have postgrad jobs! The simulation takes place inside a life-sized carbon fiber vessel paired with titanium end caps (just like the real ocean voyager) located in the basin of the usual dunk tank! Once inside, look through the windows — you won’t see the brown grass of McDonough field, waiting to be trampled and thrown up on at the Lil Yachty concert, but instead, magical images of the sunken Titanic!
After a few minutes, the vessel will begin to shake. Here’s where the fun part comes in: based on your major, aspirations, and previous internship experience, the submersible decides if you are imploded or not! Summer job at Boeing? Yeah, you’re not making it out. Return offer at Deloitte? You’re flat Stanley. If either of your parents’ job titles has ever had a ‘C’ in front of it, congrats, you’re dying!
B-school attendance is mandatory, while Emory College participation is recommended. Think of it like a weed-out class, but instead of culling overambitious freshmen from a pre-law and pre-med double major, it just KILLS future capitalist bastards. Are you an Emory College student questioning your morals in the wake of the worst job market in decades? Try your luck in the Titan.
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