In the best allocation of federal grant money since the invention of the polio vaccine, Emory researchers found groundbreaking evidence that the size of James Wagner’s testicles directly correlate with his propensity to drive the university into a deep pit of…
The Emory Spoke
Emory senior Zach O’Connor confirmed yesterday that he plans to start his final year of college off strongly before collapsing into a state of crushing apathy. O’Connor has reportedly already purchased all of his books, even the ones not yet used…
Exiting his Dobbs Hall dormitory this morning to a breathless public, freshman Thomas Olin confirmed the lineup of posters for Dobbs 201, validating the rumors that it indeed would include both Daft Punk and Bryan Cranston. “It’s safe to say,…
