Ann Arbor – A new study released this week from the University of Michigan ended the doubts of thousands of lonely males and confirmed that all attractive women studying across from them desire nothing more in this world than for…
The Emory Spoke
Part of a new broad-based initiative to integrate holiday fun with administrative decisions, the Emory University administration announced a “super-scary” set of layoffs and budget cuts early this Friday in a display of halloween fervor. The University released a statement…
Candi Lynn, exotic dancer at the Sleazy Slanket Strip Club, has reportedly changed her name to Pumpkin Spice in a recent marketing move to lure in more customers during the late autumn and early winter months. Although it will likely…
Local Goizueta applicant Andrew Bershmeir’s hopes were dashed early last Sunday upon learning that he was not accepted to Emory’s prestigious BBA program, irreparably crushing his dream of one day happily filling out various notarized forms for the regional accounting…