Men! You will never be able to perform for the world like a woman can. Just because you listen to Clairo, play mediocre guitar, drink matcha, wear tote bags, or post about period cramps on your instagram story, doesn’t mean you are someone who is more in tune with his emotions who has a leg up on the frat guys.
Girlhood is a performance in and of itself. You have never had to figure out why you felt like you shat yourself that one day in middle school. You have never had to accidentally look like a chav trying to figure out makeup. You have never had to fight gay thoughts towards other women. Only us girls can do that!
My culture is not your costume. When girls do it, it’s cool. Because girls rule and boys drool. When you try to do things that you think make you appeal to the feminine gaze, it’s #embarrassing. Everyone can tell it isn’t your true aura. Oh, you listen to female artists? Why are we acting like this is groundbreaking? God forbid the bar is so low that you can differentiate yourself from other men by listening to a singular female artist.
And I am a woman. And I perform–we all do to a degree. Oh, but just be glad I’m not a man… because I would be able to do it right. And I’ll tell you how, so hold on to your singular X chromosome, maybe a testicle or two, and listen up.
If I were an effective performative man, I would be clean shaven, since all the other guys who ‘aren’t like other guys’ have musty little caterpillars above their lips. I would further try to distance myself from other men by wearing an actual backpack to class. I would listen to Spotify playlists curated to my ACTUAL music tastes, so if people checked my listening history they would think that I’m ‘so genuine’ and ‘he doesn’t care what other people think.’
I would then further the ruse by reading books that are not feminist literature. I never drink tea, because I want a drink (frappe) unique to me. I don’t buy into (#capitalist) fast-fashion trends (Ladies I’m single).
Lastly, I wouldn’t tell anyone that I am being performative, as I am not like other guys. I think that telling people you are being performative may be on the nose, but it creates an audience to perform to. I will do the ultimate act of shutting the fuck up. It would work so well that nobody would be able to differentiate my twisted true self and this persona I have concocted for the world to see. And, ultimately, when all is said and done, in the end, I, in theory, could have had sex with way more cool awesome women than you.
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