In a press conference this past week, Emory University officials announced that all toilet paper currently being used on campus will be upgraded to a 60-grit sandpaper. After a survey showing student rectal satisfaction at a record low, followed by…
Posts published in “News”
It was a sight to behold Friday night as upwards of six or seven Dobbs freshmen were out in force to shame starting point guard Tim Robbins after abandoning his native hall earlier that morning. Pitching up the jersey on…
At the rising of the sun on the Day of a Thousand Withdrawals, chieftain of the human city of Emory, James Wagner, released the mighty dragon that has slumbered in the Cox Hall clock tower since the battle of Fur’Grad…
According to official statistics from an unpaid Emory athletics intern, attendance for the most recent Emory men’s soccer home game was down 50% compared to expectations of turnout based on previous events. While many experts at first failed to propose…