Freshman Ernie McFarlan is trapped in the pre-departure college speech he’s been reciting this entire summer, and has been causing a bit of a stir in the freshman orientation scene. The first report of his unusual behavior came from Orientation…
Posts published in “News”
Much to the annoyance of the thirty scientists who spent the past forty years attempting to reanimate him, John Emory will only talk about Domino’s pizza delivery and won’t shut up about how they stole his idea. When Emory revealed…
Willy, a rising sophomore at Emory, announced a completely new identity today for the upcoming semester. His new identity, “William”, will begin on the first day of school, which means everyone has to call him William now. Along with the…
ATLANTA – In light of recent events surrounding police violence around America, Emory’s police chief reassured the community that his office is “just a bunch of regular joes, who just happen to possess the power to take life with impunity”.…