Recently, it has come to my attention that the Wheel has published an interesting article. I know, I was just as shocked as you are. One of their writers accused Greek Life at Emory of appropriating Greek culture. In order to protect his identity, I will refer to him as Achilles Stefanopolus. His article was a scathing report about how Frats STOLE and ruined the beautiful Greek language, going by names like Delta Iota Kappa (traditionally pronounced DIK in the beautiful and historic Greek language).
And I have to say, I cannot agree more. As a man who refuses to use the americanized pronunciation of gyros at the local Arby’s ™, I am an authority on the subject. However, his article did not go far enough. Achilles Stefanopolus failed to point out how America has ROBBED the Greeks of two pillars of their culture. Theater? You might ask. Philosophy? These two things pale in comparison to the theft committed by America.
I am referring, of course, to a crooked democracy system and political decisions leading to financial ruin. These two things are as Greek as tzatziki sauce and alcoholism! America thought they could steal democracy without anyone noticing. Fools! Greeks invented only giving a political voice to land-owning white men! Those bastards thought they could get away with the appropriation by technically allowing others to vote.
On top of that, the Americans have the AUDACITY to think they could damage their economy with their silly little “trade war”. No one can compare to the Greeks when it comes to destroying economies! We have been making the Euro drop faster than countries can decide to leave the EU.
In conclusion, Greece is responsible for everything that makes America the way it is. On a completely separate note to financial issues, can I borrow some money? I’ll totally pay you back.
By: Stavros Spiros Chobani Astikantopolis Papadopoulos
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