Swoop the Eagle, the beloved feathery mascot of Emory’s talented, world-class DIII athletics department, has long been a staple sight on campus. Originally introduced to Emory in 1986, Swoop’s muscular, gorgeous prussian blue buff chest, scrumptiously smooth yellow beak and seductively dark, beady eyes has made every Emory student ask themselves the same question: “Am I sexually attracted to bald eagles?”
New discoveries made by a group of Emory graduate students at the Rose Library may reveal that a certain President of Emory may have answered “yes” to that question. President James T. Laney, who served as Emory University’s 19th president from 1977 – 1993, served as Dean of the Candler School of Theology before his assumption of presidency, and his term saw the $105 million Woodruff gift that defines Emory University today. New documents, including several photographs, several pages worth of correspondence and a 46 page handwritten journal titled “My Chem-eagle [sic] Romance” containing graphic descriptions of human-eagle intercourse. In what was described as the most “stunning discovery” images were discovered of what appears to be Swoop at a mid-1980s furry convention.
These discoveries have led to a large debate among university students and faculty: some advocate retiring Swoop as a mascot “to preserve his memory as Laney’s beloved companion” , while others opine that Swoop should stay, arguing that “this is what Laney would have wanted”. Pres. Greg Fenves has yet to come out with an official statement. Sources close to him report that he is “still in shock” and “traumatized” by the discovery – the source alleges this may be linked to the fact that Pres. Fenves donned the same very suit in a Halloween promotional video in late October of 2021, and he may still be “questioning what activities took place while Pres. Laney was wearing the suit before he (Pres. Fenves) wore it and how many times the suit had been washed before he wore it”.
The discovery has further sparked discourse on campus on the ethics of allowing presumably a non-furry to portray the Swoop fursona: on multiple social media, several anonymous accounts claiming to be furries have complained of “furry appropriation” and several have claimed to possess “way sexier eagle squawks than whatever normie is currently doing it”. While Emory University officials have requested furry volunteers to apply for the job, none have come forward thus far.
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