We care about our readers here at The Spoke. Here are some tips to stay warm and moisturized in this season of cold, rainy winds in what they call “Hotlanta.”
- Walk with your friend from Chicago who will tell you “it’s not that bad.” Bonus points if they’re wearing shorts.
- Keep those headphones in and listen to “Temperature” by one of the great one-hit wonders of the golden age of pop music, Sean Paul. He’s got the right temperature to shelter you from the storm.
- Invest in a racoon skin hat. Big Johnny Appleseed vibes. Keep those ears warm. Keep our 21 different types of trash cans free of pests.
- If you’re vegan, try wearing leaves or something. You’ll figure it out.
- Heat rises. Ask to ride your tall friend’s back.
- If your tall friend says no, or you have no friends, just walk behind someone else. Use them as a human shield.
- Catch and sacrifice one of the campus squirrels to Dooley. I hear she’s taking special deals right now before she changes spirits again.
- Pee your pants. At least it’s warm.
- Shoot your shot with the cutie who takes the shuttle at the same time as you every Tuesday. Ask if they can help you warm up. With consent, put your hands down their pants.
- Get off the shuttle in a stylish, human-sized inflatable hamster ball. You won’t feel the wind. Better yet, the wind will propel you to your 10 o’clock in PAIS much faster than those godforsaken Lime scooters will.
Be First to Comment