The Grammy’s
Here is everything you need to know about the Grammy’s (which has been confirmed as 100% accurate because I watched from my Twitter timeline):
Billie Einlsih (sp?) Sweeps. While L.L. Cool J presented the award for Album of the Year, Billie Eilish was seen mouthing the words “please don’t be me” over and over again…and they just…gave it to her anyway? What the hell? What would it take for the music industry to respect her wishes and LISTEN TO WOMEN.
OUTFITTTTTTTTTTS (this is all that matters to me and therefore it is all that matters to you too):
Ariana Grande Wore a Shower Puff and I Like It and I Think You Should Too
Yeah so maybe it does look vaguely like one of the puffy things on a string that some of us use in the shower to scrub the dirt off of our arms from digging in the backyard for the box that dad buried our hamster in because we just remembered that we may have put $20 in there so that our hamster, D.J. Pauly D. Jr., could be rich in hamster heaven and we’ve withered away all of our money buying custom-made Barbie clothes for our realistic Claire Danes figurine and now we can’t necessarily afford food but that is neither here nor there. This dress was still cute in all of its shower puff-iness!
What the Fuck Lizzo
Listen, I appreciate and understand that, no matter who you are or what you look like, you should be able to wear whatever you want without fear of being shamed. But I absolutely cannot approve of the way that Lizzo decided to “dress” herself without including one of those useless petite little very small miniature bags she has been wearing around for the past few months that only has enough space for say, a handmade Barbie shoe. Without one she may as well have not shown up.
Sundance
Ummm maybe i would be able to cover this better if i was actually invited? Apparently there were a lot of great movies, many of which were directed by female directors, such as Never Rarely Sometimes Always and Promising Young Woman, but I guess I won’t know if those movies are ACTUALLY good because I wasn’t invited because I’m not a “real” journalist or critic and I guess to some people I’m just that person with “a weird obsession with Claire Danes.” Disgusting.
Taylor Swift Documentary
Okay so to be totally honest I haven’t seen this documentary yet. But I’m not planning to either. You see, I have already seen the one (1) white lady movie I have allotted myself this year (Little Women) so I can’t really say what happens in the documentary, and I will never be able to. However, if you would like to hear my review of Little Women, let me know.
Politics
NONONONONONOOOOOO. Noo. no no no.
**regarding the death of Kobe Bryant, here at the Spoke we are not in the habit of making jokes about the recently deceased. unless you have any good Epstein zingers, then hit our DM.
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