Some would say spending Valentine’s Day with your mom is a total drag, pathetic even. What they overlook is the perfect chance to delve into the intrusive sinful thoughts you’ve been having since you’ve been brainwashed by Big Porn. You know what I’m talking about! It’s the #1 searched porn in America and #1 sin of your loins.
As you move forward in your illegal-in-all-states-but-Alabama endeavors, keep in mind that you only get one chance to really get it right because after the first time you try, your mom will most likely kick you out of the house for being a dirty motherfucker. Literally.
With that being said, take this time to set the scene and get creative with it. Make sure to do some research and I mean extensive research. The four hours you usually dedicate to watching porn every day won’t be enough to make this project come together. This is going to require more effort than you give to your usual sad sexapades. The two minutes of missionary you’re used to won’t impress the woman who pushed your fat head out of her coochie.
You need to tell a story of seduction that can draw in someone with even the weakest libido. Every porno comes with a semi-cringy plot and there’s no reason why yours shouldn’t. You can even hire some extras such as the pizza delivery guy who shows up with no pizza or the plumber who comes to fix your unbroken sink. If you really want to spice it up, add a DILF to get a sense of the bed rocking you hear while your parents are “wrestling” at night.
America is where dreams come true, which includes your wet dreams. While everyone else is drinking away the loneliness of Valentines Day, you’ll get to spend it creating the fairytale story that you’ve always dreamed of, and just like how every fairytale includes a main character that has a “complicated” relationship with their mother figure, yours will too.
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