The fraternity Sigma Chi, known for its nobility and astute sense of character, has a longstanding tradition of cordially hiring the services of strippers. These exotic dancers are hired to celebrate the offers of bids to Sigma Chi’s newest pledge class and entertain them before they partake in “hazing” which is believed to include the forced consumption of dead rats. But this year, things did not go according to plan. The members of Sigma Chi were treated to a more fabulous night than expected. While there was still plenty of body glitter, it just was not sprinkled on the expected type of body. Instead of strippers, drag queens suited up for performance showed up at 6 Eagle Row.
In an interview with [NAME REDACTED], he told us that he was in charge of hiring the strippers for the exciting night following bid day, but he made a crucial mistake. “Look, the name of the website was Dancing Divas, and all the names on the website sounded like girly names: Dixie Normous, Ginger Vitus. Ophelia Coxx! Those are girl names! But when those [SLUR REDACTED] showed up to the house with their wigs and clothes on, I knew I had really fucked up.” Eyewitnesses report hearing the queens blasting “Everytime we Touch” by Cascada and screaming about something being “sickening”.
“I was so scared.” says [NAME REDACTED], “Even though it was obvious there must’ve been a mistake, they still tried to do their routine. One of them..Ann T. Christ…must’ve been trippin on something cause they just started doing cartwheels around the room to some Britney Spears song. That’s when I knew I could never show my face again. While some of my brothers tried to explain the mix-up to the girls….guys….them, I ducked out the back door.”
As they were leaving, the queens were greeted by a crowd that had formed after rumor spread that the brothers of Sigma Chi were throwing a “Kiki”. The drag queens were visibly thrilled by the crowd that actually welcomed their presence. So much so, they turned the Sigma Chi house’s driveway into a runway where they performed a cinematic finale to the iconic ABBA song “Dancing Queen”. The Spoke was on the scene to get a comment from one queen, Farrah Moan, “some of those younger ones were too fucked up to even tell the difference. One of them even slipped me a 20.”
When The Spoke returned to the scene the following day, the new pledges were seen solemnly sweeping the driveway of rainbow confetti. The senior members of Sigma Chi had no comment.
*The interviewed member of Sigma Chi’s name was redacted due to him now being in Witness Protection*
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